Rude Boy

"Being friends with a man means I get to find out the stupid and simple ways they look at women." -Brown Sugar

There is something very different but equally important that can be gained from having a male friend or two. It's nice to have exposure to the male psyche and to learn about the way that they think. For the purposes of this blog, I'm talking about platonic male friends; not male "friends" that you are currently doing or who are trying to do you.

Here's a story... I have a friend whom I'll call Ryan. Ryan is a handsome and somewhat charming (or so he'd like you to believe) guy who had recently gone through a divorce. He was dating (and by dating I mean boning) about 2-3 women during his post-divorce period. To his credit, he was honest with them in the beginning that he was not looking for a relationship or anything serious however he never explicitly mentioned that there were others. He would tell me about his experiences with these women and all the things they would do to "make him" relationship ready. One had even gone as far as referring to him as her "man" even though unbeknownst to her, she wasn't even #1 of the three. Ryan was adamant to me that he absolutely didn't want a relationship with anyone, especially any of these women because he was just dating & having fun. It was jarring for me to hear about this because naturally I sympathized with the women and thought of myself in that position. I helped convince him to tell the truth and cut some of them off as they were clearly becoming attached. About 2 weeks after that, he met girl #4 and magically he was "ready". He got rid of the previous 3 and is now in a relationship.

Hearing about his escapades pretty much confirmed some things that I already knew through experience and otherwise. If a man says he's not ready for a relationship, that almost always means he's not ready for a relationship with you. If you have fallen into that unfortunate category there is almost nothing you can do to change your lot. Paying for dates, gifting him with things, and making yourself available 24/7 to be on call for him still won't change your position. He's not "scared of being hurt". He's not "taking his time". He's not "scared of commitment". He's just not that into you. Of course there are exceptions, but what are the odds that you're the exception?

The other thing I learned, is the importance of multi-dating. Now let's be clear, I am NOT talking about cheating nor am I talking about sleeping around. I'm talking about going on dates with multiple people, until you become exclusive with one person. Some women, myself included, are guilty of cutting off options too quickly when we meet someone we think we like. You should ALWAYS assume he's multi-dating unless you have had a talk which indicated that he isn't.

Rude Boys give it to you straight. It can feel like a slap in the face but when you over-analyze everything, the way that I and most other women do, sometimes that dose of blunt, rude, reality is needed. It's one of those things that I feel like helps and hurts me at the same time. It helps me because it gives me an idea of what I could be up against. It hurts me because, having firsthand knowledge of all the things that someone "could" be doing makes me unnecessarily skeptical of people who might not deserve it. Sometimes I feel like I know too much and wish I could go back to my younger years of blissful ignorance. When a guy is telling me one thing, I'm already thinking about my male friends and what they would be doing in that same situation. If I feel like it's not lining up in my favor, I don't hesitate to make adjustments to ensure that I'm not hurt or led on. Sometimes the things my friends tell me can be a hard pill to swallow, but in the long run it's helping my dating experience.