The Social Network

"How should I begin this? I'm just so offended." –SC

Have you ever found out something about a person that completely changed your perception of who they are? In this age of Facebook and Twitter, I feel like I'm learning a lot of information about a lot of different people and some of it, I'd rather not know. Sure, it's just Facebook. Sure, it's just Twitter. But it's really still you. Meeting the "Facebook version" of a person that you thought you might like could completely change your perception. I always say, if you have a celebrity that you admire, DON'T FOLLOW HIM OR HER ON TWITTER. You just might find out that person is an idiot. Look at Tyrese…

As far as I'm concerned, the same rules apply for romantic relationships. If you want to peak my interest, just tell me that you don't use FB and Twitter. I know it's hypocritical because I use it, but I love it when guys don't. Unfortunately, that's pretty rare so I've had to make some exceptions. One rule that I try not to break is NO DATES OR BOYFRIENDS on my social networks. I do it to protect myself, as well as, them. Who hasn't stalked a FB page and analyzed every comment wondering what it meant? It's human nature. When it comes to FB, that will be the only time I tell my man "no, I don't want to see yours and you don't need to see mine." It leads to nothing but problems.

I believe in expressing myself but I also think that every thought doesn't need to be shared with everyone, ESPECIALLY if it's someone you're dating. There's no tone, context, or inflection when it comes to tweeting. What one person might think is funny or harmless could be perceived by another as "thirst" or "desperation". When it comes to Social Networking, it doesn't matter what you MEANT. What matters, is how it comes across. A guy might think it's cute to tweet that reality star 10x a day, as if she'd ever acknowledge him, but the girl you're dating might beg to differ. #TheThirst is real and social networking brings this out of people for some reason.

No one wants the dude in the club that tries to holla at every chick. Well, guess what? No one wants the man that's on Twitter or Facebook hitting up every random chick that floats across his timeline or wall. If I did want you & I saw that, you can trust & believe that I wouldn't want you anymore. How can anyone take a person like that seriously? Who wants to be the girlfriend of the thirsty dude on Twitter?

You can't un-ring a bell and you can't take back a dumb Tweet or Facebook status after it's been seen. Regardless of how cute you are, if you tweet something out of bounds, you might not be able to come back from that. There are already so many things that can go wrong in a relationship… Why add Twitter and Facebook into the mix?

Flaws & All

Better a diamond with a flaw, than a pebble without. –Confucius

After my last major breakup in 2008, I started getting serious about dating. One of the first things that I did was make a list. I figured that since I make lists for everything else, why wouldn’t I make a list of what I was looking for in Mr. Right? I found the process of making a list to be fun, reflective, and informative. I saw it as placing an order with the universe for my own personal Prince Charming. I made “the list” about 4 years ago and have made modifications to it over time.

People give these lists a bad rap. The whole debacle from What Chili Wants didn’t help. For me, the list is just a starting point to help me remain focused in what I’m looking for. I’m always surprised when I talk to my girlfriends who are dating and hoping to find someone special but they don’t even have a list. How can you know when you’ve found it, if you don’t even know what it is?

When you don’t have focus, it’s easy to meet someone who may stimulate you in one area (read: lust) but could be lacking in other major components. The list is a black & white reminder of why something can or can’t work. The funny thing about it is, every now and then you may meet someone special that makes you re-evaluate your entire list. I did.

Would you rather have a dreamboat “on paper” who meets 100% of your list requirements but you don’t know where he stands, or a guy with a heart of gold who only meets 75% of your list but makes you feel like the center of his world? Everyone will answer this question differently, however if you’re meeting person after person and no one measures up, then perhaps you need to check your yardstick. A wise man said, “Sometimes... when you hold out for everything, you walk away with nothing.” Choose wisely.

Viva la Vida

Whoever said that the way you go into the year, will determine the year you have is full of it. I think NYE 2010 was probably my saddest NYE to date yet 2011 has been the best year ever. I dated… A LOT, turned 30, got promoted, moved 3 times, and finally settled into my new city. As always, there has been some bitter with the sweet, but everything that I’ve let go of has made space for the people and things I have in my life right now. Atlanta has been good to me and I’m happy that I decided to call this city my new home.

For the longest, I expected that turning 30 would lead to some type of panic attack about all the things I haven’t done. I’m so happy that didn’t happen. Sure…there are still things (one thing in particular) I’d like to accomplish…but for that one thing that I haven’t done, there are so many things that I have. Instead of buying into all the myths about life for single women after 30, I’m embracing my age and the knowledge and wisdom that comes with it. I actually think I’m more fabulous now than ever. I know myself - my strengths and my weaknesses. I am fully confident in who I am. Confidence is sexy. What’s hotter than that? In addition to my fabulousity, I have lots of life experience and lessons learned that will prevent me from running around getting myself into all types of crazy predicaments like I did throughout my 20s. I know better, so now I can do better.

Time flies when you're having fun so I plan to live it up and take advantage of every single minute.

What about your friends?

"Friends....How many of us have them" -Whodini

Webster defines a friend as a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations. Whodini’s definition of a friend is a little more grimy.

As I continue through my life, I’m learning that the label of “friend” can sometimes be a loaded word. In my personal world, I would say that there are 3 distinct types of people that may fall under the umbrella of the word friend at any given time. Those are associates, frenemies, and friends. Today I want to talk about Frenemies.

You’re probably asking why would anyone be “friends” with a frenemy? Well in my experience, frenemies never start out that way.

The first rule in the 48 Laws of Power is “Don’t outshine the master”. I don’t know what this looks like in male friendships but when it comes to SOME women, this is the gospel. It’s all good as long as you are both unhappy. It’s all good as long as you are both overweight. It’s all good as long as you both don’t have a man. It’s all good as long as neither of you gets a raise. The minute one person comes “up” without the other, the transition from friend to frenemy begins. The crazy thing is the come up doesn’t have to be real. It could be completely imagined or exaggerated in the other person’s mind.

Do you have any “friends” that you can call them if something bad happens and they seem almost happy to hear about it? You found out your man was cheating… yep, she has time to talk. You got fired…bam she is right there. Your plan failed….She can talk for hours. It’s good to have support during these times but what about the good times? Why is it that some people can talk to you all night about why all are men are dogs but when you finally find a good man they can’t be bothered to hear about it? Frenemy. Why is it that it’s all good when someone thinks you are beneath them but as soon as you “come up” they start to act differently? Frenemy.

I am happy to say that upon a lot of evaluation and discovery I have a lot less frenemies around than I’ve had in the past. They say people come in your life for a reason, season, or lifetime. Well the season for my “frenemies” has come and gone.

9 1/2 Months

I can’t believe it’s been nine months since I last blogged! I promise to do better going into the new year. There’s so much to say but instead of going back over the past nine months I’ll just pick up with where I am now. My adventures as a transplant….