Selfishness - The quality or state of being selfish; exclusive regard to one's own interest or happiness; the supreme self-love or self-preference which leads a person to direct her purposes to the advancement of her own interest, power, or happiness, without regarding those of others.
Not too long ago, someone told me that I was selfish. The way it happened is that I was telling him about a situation in my life involving me and another person. If the situation in question were to take place it would greatly benefit the other party however it wouldn't benefit me. Matter of fact not only would it not benefit me, it would be to the detriment of the way I hoped the situation would play out. Initially I was a little taken aback that he called me that and I took offense to it. After thinking about it further, I realize that I was indeed being selfish however, I think it's okay to be selfish sometimes. I would even postulate that, as a single woman with no kids or commitments, I have an obligation to be selfish in certain situations. ' Selfishness' when applied correctly and in moderation, can get you ahead and keep you out of bad situations.
The way I see it is, you have to look out for numero uno. No one could possibly be more concerned with your best interests than you. If you don't look out for yourself people will use you to their benefit with no regard as to whether or not that situation benefits you and your higher need. This can be in work, family, or relationships. It really doesn't matter where.
I'm a naturally loyal & selfless person so it took me a while to evolve to this way of way of thinking. However, when it comes down to it I don't have a husband nor children that I'm obligated to. Why would I lay down my own self-interest and advancement to promote others who would not do the same for me? If you turn your well-being and development over to another person, without advocating for your own self-interests, then you will almost always end up disappointed.
Often as women, we end up playing the 'savior' role in which we lay down our goals, dreams, and ambition to "ride" for someone else. Why? If it's not someone that you're legally bound to or at least truly committed to, in words and actions in a reciprocal way, I feel that you should not be expected to do this. Make no mistake, I think there is nothing more beautiful than a couple that can selflessly make sacrifices for one another but you have to get to that point. You shouldn't be throwing your needs, wants, and desires down after the first date to make yourself a better "fit" for someone else's. There's nothing worse than spending years "having someone's back" only to realize that person never had yours. I feel that type of loyalty and selflessness has to be earned. If looking out for number one makes me selfish, then I'll wear that label as a badge of honor.
How selfish are you? Take this quiz to find out.
http://blogthings.com/howselfishareyouquiz/
Something Good
“An open enemy is better than a false friend.” – Greek Proverb
If you’re going to call someone your friend, I think that you should have something good to say about them. That’s not to say that your friend won’t ever work your last nerve or make you want to cuss her out occasionally, but the good should outweigh the bad. We all hear the stories about these people who have these awful horrible “friends” who do all these awful horrible things. It makes me want to scream, “WHY ARE YOU HER FRIEND AGAIN?” Please, TELL ME SOMETHING GOOD.
Why do people keep others around as “friends” but do nothing but talk about them? If the person is so bad that all you can do is talk about them, why keep them around and keep calling them your “friend” but talk about them behind their back? That’s unnecessary. If that person is truly your friend, shouldn’t you be trying to help him or her overcome the issues that you are talking about? If you feel that you have reached your limit of trying and it has fallen on deaf ears then maybe you should step back from the situation. Just cut them off or at least take a break. Friendships need that sometimes.
I was in a situation in which it got to the point that I realized I had nothing good to say about the person, only negative things. I had to let that person go. In situations like those, that person is not a “friend”. If the person is truly as awful as you claim they are, why would you want to call them your friend? Is it so that you can say you have more friends? Is it so you can have someone around to talk about in order to make yourself feel better? I don’t know the answer but these are questions that make me wonder. In my opinion, there are really only two options. Either the person really is as bad as you say, in which case you probably shouldn’t be dealing with them or you’re just going on and on about a bunch of bullshit that doesn’t really matter and you need to stop.
I can say now that I only have GOOD THINGS to say about all the people in my life. If you ask me about one of them, I will tell you something good. Do we have disagreements? Sure! Do they work my nerves occasionally? Absolutely! But am I complaining and talking about how horrible they are and how they wronged me to anyone that will listen while still calling them my “friend”? Absolutely not! That’s how I think it should be.
If you’re going to call someone your friend, I think that you should have something good to say about them. That’s not to say that your friend won’t ever work your last nerve or make you want to cuss her out occasionally, but the good should outweigh the bad. We all hear the stories about these people who have these awful horrible “friends” who do all these awful horrible things. It makes me want to scream, “WHY ARE YOU HER FRIEND AGAIN?” Please, TELL ME SOMETHING GOOD.
Why do people keep others around as “friends” but do nothing but talk about them? If the person is so bad that all you can do is talk about them, why keep them around and keep calling them your “friend” but talk about them behind their back? That’s unnecessary. If that person is truly your friend, shouldn’t you be trying to help him or her overcome the issues that you are talking about? If you feel that you have reached your limit of trying and it has fallen on deaf ears then maybe you should step back from the situation. Just cut them off or at least take a break. Friendships need that sometimes.
I was in a situation in which it got to the point that I realized I had nothing good to say about the person, only negative things. I had to let that person go. In situations like those, that person is not a “friend”. If the person is truly as awful as you claim they are, why would you want to call them your friend? Is it so that you can say you have more friends? Is it so you can have someone around to talk about in order to make yourself feel better? I don’t know the answer but these are questions that make me wonder. In my opinion, there are really only two options. Either the person really is as bad as you say, in which case you probably shouldn’t be dealing with them or you’re just going on and on about a bunch of bullshit that doesn’t really matter and you need to stop.
I can say now that I only have GOOD THINGS to say about all the people in my life. If you ask me about one of them, I will tell you something good. Do we have disagreements? Sure! Do they work my nerves occasionally? Absolutely! But am I complaining and talking about how horrible they are and how they wronged me to anyone that will listen while still calling them my “friend”? Absolutely not! That’s how I think it should be.
The Rules
“Forget the math, just don't f*ck on a first date and you're fine.” –Miranda Hobbes
I know what you’re thinking, but this isn’t about THOSE rules. These rules, would make the creators of those rules blush. Everyone has their own rules for dating and a lot of them are the same. These are some of my funny, unwritten, superficial, and never spoken about outlandish dating rules. These are the rules that you aren’t supposed to talk about. You certainly won’t find them in that book. Of course none of this stuff REALLY matters & obviously there are much deeper qualifications that I’m looking for in a mate but that’s not what this post is about. So without further adieu, here are my rules:
• You have to be 5’10 or taller to ride this ride. I’m 5’7 and I wear heels. Short guys think they are ok with it but they really aren’t. I’m not giving up my shoes. They cost too much & I have too many. Sorry.
• I don’t like my man to be finer than me. I like a good solid 7-8.5. Any higher than that and they try to act up.. It’s not that the others don’t act up but men that are “too fine” pose a different set of problems.
• This is gonna be controversial but…I don’t like an overly large package. I need just enough to get the job done. I don’t need the extra nor the problems and/or withdrawal symptoms that come from not getting it anymore. I’ve never seen Rohan Marley’s package but I bet it’s BIG. And that’s the exact reason why Lauryn Hill is doing shows wearing 5 outfits at once with her hair uncombed. You can't let every man hit the "bottom". Nope, no thanks. Do. Not. Want.
• I don’t like pretty boys. If he has to primp, preen, and be dressed in the ‘new new’ looking like a GQ cover all the time then he's not for me. If he wears argyle, ascots, or colorful blazers, he needs not apply.
• There can only be one diva in the relationship and that’s ME! He can have a big ego but I will not deal with diva antics from my man. That only works for Kanye. I throw enough tantrums on my own.
• Until he says "I love you", I’m a free agent. I will work within whatever confines have been set as far exclusivity but…I’m a free agent.
• His weight ≥ my weight… For practical purposes, how can he pick me up & toss me around if he’s a lightweight? Also for aesthetics, I don’t want us walking around looking like the number 10 with him being the 1 and me being the 0. We should be more like an 11 or an 18.
• I will try to test “that area”. He better not allow it. I live in Atlanta. I know it’s not a foolproof method but hey…. What am I supposed to do?
What are some of your crazy dating rules? Sound off in the comment section.
I know what you’re thinking, but this isn’t about THOSE rules. These rules, would make the creators of those rules blush. Everyone has their own rules for dating and a lot of them are the same. These are some of my funny, unwritten, superficial, and never spoken about outlandish dating rules. These are the rules that you aren’t supposed to talk about. You certainly won’t find them in that book. Of course none of this stuff REALLY matters & obviously there are much deeper qualifications that I’m looking for in a mate but that’s not what this post is about. So without further adieu, here are my rules:
• You have to be 5’10 or taller to ride this ride. I’m 5’7 and I wear heels. Short guys think they are ok with it but they really aren’t. I’m not giving up my shoes. They cost too much & I have too many. Sorry.
• I don’t like my man to be finer than me. I like a good solid 7-8.5. Any higher than that and they try to act up.. It’s not that the others don’t act up but men that are “too fine” pose a different set of problems.
• This is gonna be controversial but…I don’t like an overly large package. I need just enough to get the job done. I don’t need the extra nor the problems and/or withdrawal symptoms that come from not getting it anymore. I’ve never seen Rohan Marley’s package but I bet it’s BIG. And that’s the exact reason why Lauryn Hill is doing shows wearing 5 outfits at once with her hair uncombed. You can't let every man hit the "bottom". Nope, no thanks. Do. Not. Want.
• I don’t like pretty boys. If he has to primp, preen, and be dressed in the ‘new new’ looking like a GQ cover all the time then he's not for me. If he wears argyle, ascots, or colorful blazers, he needs not apply.
• There can only be one diva in the relationship and that’s ME! He can have a big ego but I will not deal with diva antics from my man. That only works for Kanye. I throw enough tantrums on my own.
• Until he says "I love you", I’m a free agent. I will work within whatever confines have been set as far exclusivity but…I’m a free agent.
• His weight ≥ my weight… For practical purposes, how can he pick me up & toss me around if he’s a lightweight? Also for aesthetics, I don’t want us walking around looking like the number 10 with him being the 1 and me being the 0. We should be more like an 11 or an 18.
• I will try to test “that area”. He better not allow it. I live in Atlanta. I know it’s not a foolproof method but hey…. What am I supposed to do?
What are some of your crazy dating rules? Sound off in the comment section.