Jaded

jad·ed: made dull, apathetic, or cynical by experience or by surfeit

Dating is hard. Well, not the act of finding dates or going on them, but the act of actually finding the right person. The average girl has to kiss a lot of frogs before she finds her prince. The problem with these frogs is that you usually don't know they are a frog until it's too late. As a result, most women begin to utilize a series of boundaries or tests to try to weed these frogs out quickly. We operate under the motive that there is 'always something' and we have to find out what that 'something' is sooner rather than later.

The problem is, the whole goal of dating is to meet "that" person. The person that really is as good as he seems. The person that doesn't have anything to hide. Unfortunately, when you date for so long you can become jaded. Cynical. Doubting. Always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Always wondering what is it gonna be this time because it's always something.

Which brings me to him, let's call him Warner. He seems so good. Says all the right things. Cute, tall, funny, etc. etc. etc. Why can't I just accept this? Why do I always have to look for something? No one is that good right? No one could be that perfect… And if he is, why is he single? Believe me, I have concocted all types of crazy theories.

Only time can answer these questions. I like Warner so I hope he proves me wrong. Maybe the other shoe will never drop. Maybe he really is that good… Or maybe I'll be posting here in a few months with another example of why I'm so jaded.

Slow Motion

I am a woman of many talents and abilities but patience is definitely not a virtue of mine. I really hate waiting for anything. I want everything now. Matter of fact, I wanted it yesterday. My frantic pace of now now now usually works when I’m in control. It’s the situations that I don’t have any control over that bother me. It’s the things that only time can bring about and no one can do anything to hurry it along. The things in my life that feel like they are in slow motion.

I’m into instant gratification. If one thing isn’t available then I’m immediately on to the next thing. I mean…really, who has time to wait when there are so many other available options? And if you have the option that you want, why wait for anything else? What on earth would make someone choose to wait for anything if they don’t have to? How do you know if someone is worth waiting for? What if you do decide to wait and find out it wasn’t worth the wait at all? To quote Mr. Carter, what the hell are you waiting for?

Sometimes waiting seems like a big waste of time but supposedly anything worth having is worth waiting for. Well, if good things come to those who wait then I should have something really awesome coming because I have damn sure waited long enough.

What If

This song by Babyface always messes me up. “What if” are two very dangerous words. You could ‘what if’ yourself into a whole different reality and still not change anything about the present. My favorite ‘what if’ movie is Sliding Doors. The whole movie is about one big what if scenario. In one life, Gwyneth Paltrow’s character gets fired & returns home early to find her live-in boyfriend in bed with another woman. In the other life, she misses her train, gets home late and doesn’t catch the boyfriend cheating. The simple action of the sliding doors that caused her to miss the train, changed her whole life.

Unfortunately in real life we don’t get to see all of our options play out. We have to make blind decisions and hope that we made the right ones. We end things, we move on and we convince ourselves that it was ‘for the best’. That generally works but sometimes you get that call or that message from that person that you makes you wonder, did I do the right thing? What if overreacted? What if I was wrong? What if we were supposed to be together?

I want to believe that true love conquers all but I’m no fool either. If everything happens for a reason and what’s meant to be will be then I guess time will tell if I was right or wrong. In the meantime, I’m not gonna hold my breath or walk around dreaming about what if.