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Up Out my Face...Boy!

“The good guys screw you. The bad guys screw you. The rest of them don’t know how to screw you.” — Samantha Jones

Today I was chatting with my friend about my ill-fated romantic life as of late. She told me, “Don’t let a few losers knock you off the love boat.” I responded, “My love boat is more like the Titanic.” I think those might be the realest words I ever spoke. At what point does one sober up, learn their lessons and move on? Maybe love ain’t for everybody. I’m certainly beginning to think that love might not be for me.

I’ve. Tried. Them. All. The good guys. The bad guys. The cute guys. The ugly guys. The short guys. The tall guys. The marathon men. The minute men. I’ve tried all types of formulas in hopes of getting different results but it seems to fail every single time. Date the ones I’m attracted to. Date the opposite of what I’m attracted to. Date the ones that someone else picks for me. Date the ones that NO ONE would pick for me. No, no, no, and no. It’s always the same. They must issue them a handbook at graduation that tells them what to do. Well here’s my advice to the men that might have the misfortune of coming across this blog.

Don’t. Start. What. You. Can’t. Finish. If you don’t have time to call me everyday, then don’t start off calling me everyday. If you don’t have time to return text messages, then make that clear from the jump. Don’t start off one way, switch it up and think that no one will notice. I notice. We ALL notice. Consistency is key and without it, you will fail.

Just. Tell. Me. What. You. Want. Sure that sounds simple enough, but it’s very rare that it happens. Don’t say you want a relationship if you don’t. Don’t pretend to be trying to build something if you’re not. If you just wanna fuck, then JUST SAY THAT. You might be surprised because we might only want that too. If we don’t, then we will let you know so that you can move on to the next without wasting your time or ours.

Most importantly, if you don’t know what you want then STOP DATING until you figure it out.

I.Need.A.Break. Or maybe even a sabbatical.