RSS

The Rules

“Forget the math, just don't f*ck on a first date and you're fine.” –Miranda Hobbes

I know what you’re thinking, but this isn’t about THOSE rules. These rules, would make the creators of those rules blush. Everyone has their own rules for dating and a lot of them are the same. These are some of my funny, unwritten, superficial, and never spoken about outlandish dating rules. These are the rules that you aren’t supposed to talk about. You certainly won’t find them in that book. Of course none of this stuff REALLY matters & obviously there are much deeper qualifications that I’m looking for in a mate but that’s not what this post is about. So without further adieu, here are my rules:

• You have to be 5’10 or taller to ride this ride. I’m 5’7 and I wear heels. Short guys think they are ok with it but they really aren’t. I’m not giving up my shoes. They cost too much & I have too many. Sorry.

• I don’t like my man to be finer than me. I like a good solid 7-8.5. Any higher than that and they try to act up.. It’s not that the others don’t act up but men that are “too fine” pose a different set of problems.

• This is gonna be controversial but…I don’t like an overly large package. I need just enough to get the job done. I don’t need the extra nor the problems and/or withdrawal symptoms that come from not getting it anymore. I’ve never seen Rohan Marley’s package but I bet it’s BIG. And that’s the exact reason why Lauryn Hill is doing shows wearing 5 outfits at once with her hair uncombed. You can't let every man hit the "bottom". Nope, no thanks. Do. Not. Want.

• I don’t like pretty boys. If he has to primp, preen, and be dressed in the ‘new new’ looking like a GQ cover all the time then he's not for me. If he wears argyle, ascots, or colorful blazers, he needs not apply.

• There can only be one diva in the relationship and that’s ME! He can have a big ego but I will not deal with diva antics from my man. That only works for Kanye. I throw enough tantrums on my own.

• Until he says "I love you", I’m a free agent. I will work within whatever confines have been set as far exclusivity but…I’m a free agent.

• His weight ≥ my weight… For practical purposes, how can he pick me up & toss me around if he’s a lightweight? Also for aesthetics, I don’t want us walking around looking like the number 10 with him being the 1 and me being the 0. We should be more like an 11 or an 18.

• I will try to test “that area”. He better not allow it. I live in Atlanta. I know it’s not a foolproof method but hey…. What am I supposed to do?

What are some of your crazy dating rules? Sound off in the comment section.

0 comments:

Post a Comment