Flaws & All

Better a diamond with a flaw, than a pebble without. –Confucius

After my last major breakup in 2008, I started getting serious about dating. One of the first things that I did was make a list. I figured that since I make lists for everything else, why wouldn’t I make a list of what I was looking for in Mr. Right? I found the process of making a list to be fun, reflective, and informative. I saw it as placing an order with the universe for my own personal Prince Charming. I made “the list” about 4 years ago and have made modifications to it over time.

People give these lists a bad rap. The whole debacle from What Chili Wants didn’t help. For me, the list is just a starting point to help me remain focused in what I’m looking for. I’m always surprised when I talk to my girlfriends who are dating and hoping to find someone special but they don’t even have a list. How can you know when you’ve found it, if you don’t even know what it is?

When you don’t have focus, it’s easy to meet someone who may stimulate you in one area (read: lust) but could be lacking in other major components. The list is a black & white reminder of why something can or can’t work. The funny thing about it is, every now and then you may meet someone special that makes you re-evaluate your entire list. I did.

Would you rather have a dreamboat “on paper” who meets 100% of your list requirements but you don’t know where he stands, or a guy with a heart of gold who only meets 75% of your list but makes you feel like the center of his world? Everyone will answer this question differently, however if you’re meeting person after person and no one measures up, then perhaps you need to check your yardstick. A wise man said, “Sometimes... when you hold out for everything, you walk away with nothing.” Choose wisely.