Computer Love

The combination of dating + technology has led to the rise of fauxmances and computer love. Fauxmances are pseudo relationships that constantly leave themselves open to interpretation and innuendo. I reached this conclusion a while back but reading this blog served as confirmation. In this internet & computer age that we live in, we are connected to so many people, yet we seem to be becoming more and disconnected in the ways that matter most. People seem to have replaced the art of telephone and in-person conversations with texting, facebooking, tweeting, emailing, and IMn.

I’ll be the first to admit that I have been the victim of computer love. Computer love is built on lazy non-traditional communication patterns. To quote Natalie in the above mentioned article “If they’re not calling and making genuine, human efforts that involve voice and sight to grow your relationship, and instead are relying on lazy forms of communication, you’re in a lazy ‘arrangement’ with a limited connection that is fostering false intimacy and building sandcastles in the sky.”

I have been both an offender and a victim of this behavior. Sometimes, I just don’t want to talk. I prefer to text so that I can continue doing three things at once instead of giving my full attention to that person. However upon further contemplation I realized that I really do prefer to talk, to people that I really LIKE. It’s the people that I don’t like as much, that I relegate to electronic communication status. Think about that for a minute…. Now flip it, and assume that if a man is only texting/emailing/IMn you it could because he doesn’t really like you. Why else would he choose such a flippant method of reaching you instead of calling to give you his undivided attention? Yeah he might like you a little bit but he doesn’t REALLY like you. Now you might be cool with this & you might not. It depends on how you feel about this man and what your intentions are for the relationship but you need to know this going in.

Now let’s be clear, I am not against all texts and emails. There are good texts and bad texts but 85% of your communication shouldn’t be comprised of texting. Whatever happened to the anticipation of hearing someone’s voice? In what world is getting a WAUD, What’s up, Thinking of you, Can I see you l8r, TEXT better than hearing the sexy baritone (hopefully) of your potentials voice? Not to mention if they can’t spell or don’t have a grasp of elementary grammar then they lose all credibility and sexiness with me (but that’s another blog).

Our parents gave us hell for it, but there was something to be said for those 3-4 hour phone conversations that I used to have with boys as a teenager.
How are you ever supposed to figure out if you truly vibe with this person if all they do is text? Texting gives you time to think and edit your responses accordingly. To successfully screen your mate, shouldn’t you be seeking methods of communication that will allow you to see their most authentic self?

To a woman like me, who constantly interprets and analyzes everything, dealing with one of these electronic communicators is a nightmare. Everything is up for interpretation. There is no way to indicate sarcasm, anger, humor, anticipation, or happiness in the electronic word. You have no tone or frame of reference for what their intentions are or what they are trying to convey. That means that you are left on your own to fill in the blanks of the message that they are trying to get across (and fill in the blanks I will). If you guess incorrectly, you could end up in a whole relationship built on false assumptions, a fauxmance. Just know that if you relying solely on texting me, I’m gonna assume the worse and write you off. I want the real thing not computer love.